Why Vote Democratic

I need to vent 

I am proud to be a citizen of the United States of America. The key word here is united. The Republican Party wants to remove the word “United” from our laws. For abortion, they want to toss out Roe v Wade and send that back to the states to decide if abortion should be legal. What does that mean? It means that if a woman wants to get a safe abortion she can. In some states. In New York she would have access, on demand, to a safe abortion.

What about women in Ohio who want to get an abortion? (Don’t forget that this is currently legal throughout the entire country.) Kasich wants each state to decide. He wants his state to make abortion illegal. What would that mean to the women of Ohio? Well, as always, if the woman has money, it would basically just mean an inconvenience. She would have to travel to New York to have a procedure that should be available close to her home. What about a woman that does not have the means to travel at will? She might seek an illegal, unsafe abortion. Or be coerced into giving birth and told that it would be best for her to give up her child for adoption. The conservatives are convinced that women giving away  babies are doing a good thing for the child. Obviously they haven’t asked any birth mothers or adoptees if they are happy for having been separated. Adoption is not the solution to the abortion problem. 

As a matter of fact, better access to birth control, i.e. Planned Parenthood, is one of the best plans for preventing abortions. But the conservatives want to defund Planned Parenthood as well. 

One of my personal reasons for opposing laws going back to the state is is the case of adoptees obtaining their original birth certificates. State by state, adoptees are very slowly gaining access to their OBCs. This is far from acceptable. In Ohio, OBCs are now available for adoptees. This legislation went through rather quickly after years of petitioning the government. However, I was born in NJ. Gov Christie finally allowed access to OBCs two years ago, with a 2 1/2 year wait. Therefore, I’m still waiting. You see, when laws are left to the state, there is no equality. The woman who wants an abortion that might be illegal in Ohio, could, theoretically go to NY if she could afford it. But adoptees born in NJ can’t go to Ohio to get their birth certificates. 

This is my personal issue. The issue that affects my thoughts way too often. But what is truly making me furious these days is how some states are making it difficult for LGBT constituents to be treated with equality, dignity and respect in their day to day lives. I don’t give a damn if someone wants to make a cake for a gay couple. Let them put an anti gay sign in their window so the gay community and any LGBT supporter knows where to stay away from. But issuing marriage licenses! That is a federal law! Not an individual choice. It’s not a cupcake. It’s a law. A right. And this bathroom nonsense. If you had any idea what a transgender person goes through just to feel comfortable in their own body, you would praise the person for their courage. If they might make you feel uncomfortable in the bathroom, get over it. Get over yourself. Have some human understanding. Most likely you have shared a bathroom with a transgender person and didn’t know it. If you are afraid in a public restroom, don’t use it. 

If everyone would just live their own life and stop trying to take rights away from others we would all be happier. We must vote democratic if we believe in human rights. Please. Don’t take away our constitutional rights that should be guaranteed to everyone. It shouldn’t be done on a state by state basis. 

To Angry Adoptees

I am an adoptee. I believe I have the right to my original birth certificate that has been denied to me by the state of New Jersey. That being said, I need to point out that I am not an angry adoptee. Yes, I did have a love/hate relationship with my mom. Notice, I said “my mom.” I didn’t say, “My adoptive mother.” My mom was my real mother, whether she gave birth to me or not. Giving birth doesn’t make a person a mother. What makes a mother is someone who feeds you, takes you to the doctor when you are sick, cares for you, makes you study, scolds you when she feels it’s necessary, or just when she loses her temper as we all do. A mom does your laundry, cooks chicken soup and cries at your wedding.

My mom was not perfect. She had a bad temper. And she made me practice the piano far too many hours for someone who obviously did not have enough talent to become a professional pianist. Maybe she had more confidence in me than I had in myself.

My mom was a great cook. I did not inherit my mom’s metabolism, or thick curly hair. I did not inherit my mom’s artistic abilities. But when my children beg for more of my chocolate cake, I tell them their grandma taught me how to bake.

By accident, I joined a Facebook page for people who are against adoption. People who hate their adoptive parents. Every time I logged on to the site, I read about adoptees who hated their a-mom. Despised their a-dad. They spent countless hours waiting to meet their bio-mom or dad. They fantasized about the woman who gave them life, then let them go. They put these people on a pedestal, assuming that they have spent countless years praying for the day when they would be reunited with the child they had to give up.

There are far too many women who were forced, or coerced, to relinquish their babies. This is one of the worst tragedies ever. How dare someone, a stranger, a relative, tell any woman or young girl that it would be better for another family to raise their child? How could anyone say that getting a college degree is more important than keeping your baby? Your flesh and blood? After she gets the degree, she could spend the rest of her life analyzing how she sold her soul, her child, for a piece of paper. A piece of paper that could have been postponed.

Shame on all the “grandparents” who refuse to help their daughters, those who didn’t plan on getting pregnant, raise their child and instead, force them to relinquish a part of them. A part of their family.

A greater shame on any politician who even dares an opinion on a subject that is non-of -their business.

Yes, I believe that adoption should be the last choice. The first choice would be for the birthmom to stay with the child.

That being said — I need to point out that the birthmother does not always want to meet the child they gave away. Yes, that may be hard to swallow. But for many, and I have read countless stories of heartbroken adoptees praying for the love of their birthmoms, who have experienced great disappointment. Many birthmoms, unfortunately, have moved on. Many have a new life. A new family. They don’t want to meet the child they relinquished for adoption. Or perhaps, they just want to know they made the right decision. They want to meet, but not have a relationship. Many adoptees have trouble accepting this.

For those who dislike their adoptive moms, I want them to know there are, I’m sure, just as many people who hate their bio parents. As I said before, giving birth doesn’t make one a parent. Pick up any newspaper, go online any day, and you’ll find stories about birth parents, natural parents, beating their children, locking them up, starving them, tossing them out on the street, or allowing a “boyfriend” to have his way with them.

Giving birth has nothing to do with parenting. Adopting has nothing to do with parenting. Parenting with love is all that matters. We need to do away with the labels. A mom is a mom. A dad is a dad. The only thing that matters is love. And remember — ultimately, we make our own families. We choose who we love. We need to love ourselves. We need to let others be human.

Angelina Jolie had Mastectomy to Reduce Breast Cancer Risk

Hollywood star Angelina Jolie announced to the world that she had a double mastectomy to reduce her chances of getting breast cancer. She says she hopes her story will inspire other women fighting the life-threatening disease.

Jolie wrote in the New York Times on Tuesday the operation had made it easier for her to reassure her six children that she will not die young from cancer, like her own mother did at 56.

“Like her own mother did.”

Jolie, for whom money is no object, chose to pay the $3,000 to be tested to see if she carried the faulty gene which would put her at a higher risk for both breast and ovarian cancer.

When she tested positive, Jolie said her doctors had estimated she had an 87 percent risk of breast cancer and 50 percent risk of ovarian cancer. “Once I knew this was my reality, I decided to be proactive and to minimize the risk as much as I could. I made a decision to have a preventive double mastectomy,” she said.

As an adoptee, when I go to my doctor and I’m questioned about my family medical history, all I can answer is, “I’m adopted. I don’t know.” For millions of adoptees like me with no medical information, we are at a loss. We don’t know if we are at risk for breast cancer. We don’t know if we should spend $3,000 to see if we carry the faulty gene. We don’t know if we are at risk for heart disease, or diabetes. We just don’t know.

When will adoptees finally be able to get access to their family history, their medical backgrounds, and other vital life-saving information? When will all adoptees be able to have access to their original birth certificates which most likely hold clues to information that could save their lives and the lives of future generations? When will the Federal Government step up to the plate and unseal the birth certificates of all adoptees rather than leave that determination to individual states? I was born in New Jersey. Governor Christie vetoed a ruling that would have allowed adoptees to get their birth certificates saying changes were needed “to avoid any unwanted breaches of privacy, and the potential chilling effect on adoptions.”

What chilling effects? From reading many letters from birth mothers, they want to know that the child they gave birth to is healthy and happy. Many women who gave birth before adoptions were legal also fought to pass the bill saying the adoption agencies never promised confidentiality. If Governor Christie won’t unseal my birth certificate my only other hope is to wait for the Federal Government to unseal my birth certificate.

But I’m tired of waiting. Everyone involved in my adoption has passed away. Will I have to wait until I’m buried to obtain my original birth certificate?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.